Couples Therapy
Understanding Relationships and Emotional Connection
We all have a fundamental need to feel emotionally connected to someone we love. A secure relationship offers us a sense of safety, comfort and support, knowing that we can turn to our partner and trust that they will be there for us.
At the heart of many relationship difficulties is a loss of this emotional connection. When partners feel hurt, misunderstood or disconnected, they often develop ways of protecting themselves. One partner may withdraw or become emotionally distant, while the other may become increasingly frustrated, critical or demanding. Over time, these reactions can create patterns of conflict that leave both partners feeling lonely and misunderstood.
Beneath many recurring arguments lies a much deeper question: “Are you there for me?”
Do I matter to you? Can I reach you when I need you? Will you listen, understand and respond to me?
These questions often lie beneath disagreements about everyday issues such as money, children, sex or household responsibilities. When partners feel emotionally secure, they are better able to manage their differences and face life’s challenges together. Without that security, even relatively small disagreements can become sources of distress.
My Approach to Couples Therapy
My work draws primarily on two established, research-informed approaches to couples therapy: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy). Both are grounded in attachment theory and focus on helping couples develop greater emotional understanding, trust and security.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Developed by Dr Sue Johnson, EFT helps couples understand the emotional needs and fears that lie beneath their conflicts.
Rather than focusing simply on what couples argue about, EFT explores the negative patterns of interaction that keep them feeling disconnected. Partners begin to recognise how their reactions to one another can unintentionally reinforce the very difficulties they are trying to resolve.
Through this process, couples learn to express their feelings and needs more openly, respond to one another with greater understanding and compassion, and rebuild a sense of emotional closeness and trust.
PACT – Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy
Developed by Dr Stan Tatkin, PACT brings together attachment theory, neuroscience and an understanding of how our nervous systems respond to stress within relationships.
PACT focuses particularly on what happens between partners in the moment. By paying attention to subtle changes in facial expressions, body language and tone of voice, couples learn to recognise each other’s emotional responses and understand how misunderstandings and defensive reactions develop.
Rather than simply talking about difficulties, PACT helps couples work through challenging interactions during sessions, learning new ways to respond to one another with greater sensitivity, cooperation and care.
Creating Lasting Change
Both approaches recognise that meaningful change involves more than simply improving communication or learning how to manage disagreements.
My aim is to help couples understand the patterns that keep them apart, recognise the vulnerabilities beneath their reactions and experience new ways of relating to one another.
As partners begin to feel more understood, valued and emotionally secure, they can develop a stronger, more resilient relationship in which differences can be managed together rather than becoming a source of division.
