Everybody needs a secure bond with another. This bond offers us a place of safety, comfort and support and is literally wired into us at birth. Emotional disconnection is at the heart of the important conflicts or distancing that is part of relationship distress. It is hard to know how to cope in moments of hurt and disconnection and we can find ourselves getting stuck in a coping style that moves us into a place of trying not to need our partner or becoming angry and demanding.
The key question in our love relationships is "Are you there for me?" - which translates as, "Do I matter to you?", "Can I reach you", "Are you accessible, emotionally available to me?", "Can I rely on you to respond when I need you?" These are the key questions that are buried beneath the surface in most recurring arguments about household issues, personality differences, sex, children and money. If partners feel safe and loved they can deal with differences and problems together. If not, the relationship issues and fears get channelled into endless disagreements.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) views the central problem in relationship distress as a loss of secure emotional connection and the negativity in partners as a reaction to this loss. Negative spirals of interaction then erode trust and exacerbate feelings of vulnerability and isolation.
EFT helps partners to take control of this negative dance and to clarify emotional signals about attachment needs and fears in a way that encourages their partner to respond with love and compassion.
A new emotional experience of secure connection along with a sense that the other person can be accessible, responsive and engaged, transforms love relationships. Partners who are able to openly reach and connect with each other can create a safe haven bond. This kind of bond promotes growth and resilience in both partners.
Couples therapy sessionsI begin couples therapy by seeing each of you individually for a 1.5 hour session. (£110.00). These ssessions are scheduled within the same week (diaries permitting).
After the individual sessions, I will then meet with you both for a two hour couples session.(£200.00).
We will then meet regularly - either once a week or every two weeks for either 90 or 120 minute sessions.
As therapy progresses, the sessions may be reduced.